First, I want to say that I am so excited to read your stories when you finish them. I used to hike with my grandfather all summer, and I know that I was exactly like those kids - I always asked every question I thought of about nature and my surroundings in the forest. Your storybook instantly grabbed my attention!
I really like the photo that you used for your introduction. It does a great job illustrating one of the stories that you are going to tell in the future. One thing that pulls my attention in is the idea that your stories are going to be centralized around nature and basically how nature came to be, explaining many aspects through relationships. One question that I have is how are you planning to develop these stories? Are you just creating stories based off of your imagination, answering questions like 'why the trees are so tall?' or are you basing these stories off of science? I think your stories will turn out great either way, I am just curious!
I really look forward to reading them. Great job so far with your introduction!
Hey Evan! I really liked the way your introduction was set up, because it allowed for us to gain some background information about your stories. It also lets us know what to expect in the future stories. The introduction was very well written and had a nice story line and theme to it. I liked the idea that you mentioned in your author's note about how technology consumes our lives and how we should go on nature trips to learn more about our environment sometimes. I think that's a really important point you made and I agree! I love origin stories, so I can't wait to read the rest of your project and find out how exactly you create your own origin stories in this project! I also love the images you chose for your homepage and introduction page! They really set the tone for the rest of the stories!
I think your Storybook has some incredible potential, and I cannot wait to see the outcome. In the meantime, I think there are a few ways you can edit your introduction to make it even more compelling! For example, I wold have liked to have known that the old man grew up in a small town in India before reaching the author's note. You have several opportunities to characterize the grandfather, his relationship with his father, and his relationships with his grandkids. Does the old man have a problem with technology? Is he frustrated with his children for ignoring their children's questions? I hope to see these questions answered in your stories later!
I would also suggest varying your usage and mechanics a bit; the descriptive language you could work into the woods scenes could be unique and powerful!
Have you considered writing your Introduction in first-person? You spend a lot of time describing the scene through a third-person eye, but that using more "I" statements will help you to develop the character's experiences because you're providing a first-hand account of the reaction he's having to the surroundings. I personally really enjoy this "stream-of-consciousness" style of writing and think it'll serve you well. With regard to the Author's Note, I would got a little farther to explain where precisely the story will go from here. You mention that you're focusing specifically on the Indian pantheon, so I'd love to hear what stories you plan to include. Indian mythology is incredibly diverse, with all kinds of variations on established themes, so ti might do you well to limit your scope within that broad genre.
Also, one small typo near the end... "a snack ad story break" should probably be "a snack and a story break."
I am so excited to read your stories. Your introduction did a great job setting up suspense and excitement for the stories. I love your descriptive writing. I was a little confused with the sentence, "you were submersed in your own thoughts for a change," because I was not sure who the "you" was and this is the only time that a second person narrative was introduced throughout the story. I also think it could be cool if you introduced the background of the grandpa in the introduction and not just in the Author's note. You mention his wisdom, but it could be really powerful to provide some information on why he is so wise. Additionally, to help the flow of the story, it might be beneficial to break up the first paragraph of the story. Overall, great job. I really like the idea you have for your story. It's very original.
I really like the pictures you've used for your storybook so far. The first two really capture the feeling of walking through the forest on a nice day, and the one on your first story provides some good foreshadowing, with the shadowy trees looming overhead hinting at the way the taller trees block out the light for those that are shorter, and the disastrous outcome this had for the king. One thing that I think could make your story stronger is if you had the grandfather mention to the grandkids that he had heard the story from his father. You mention in the authors note that this is a story that had been passed down the family, and it might be cool to mention that in story too so the grandchildren know and the reader realize before the authors note. I look forward to seeing what other natural phenomena the grandfather explains in your story!
Hey Evan! I like the layout of your project. I read a similar project to this one last semester. Their first story must have been based off of the same original story. I like the idea and it is an easy one to go with. I am impressed by your storytelling. It was well written. I do not have much feedback structure wise or with grammar. Overall, I am impressed. I look forward to reading the progression of your project and hope to stay entertained in the future. Thank you for taking the time to make such a great introduction and first story.
Hi Evan! I really like how you've set up your storybook site! The framework you’ve set up for your storytelling really drew me in and helped me picture myself in the setting, like I was there listening to a story from Grandpa.
Your first tale kept me hooked from start to finish, and I really loved the twist of King Rama accidentally doing what he feared most. I did have one question. You have Rama announcing that all the trees need to grow taller, and afterward Daksha is surprised to see that the trees around him had reached his height – did he somehow miss the announcement, or did he just disregard it, thinking no one could reach his height? You may want to elaborate on this somehow.
If you were interested, I think The Race to the Top would be a great story to record audio for! I embedded a SoundCloud link for one of my own stories and can tell you, it’s super easy, plus you can get extra credit for it. Even if you don’t, I’m looking forwards to seeing what you add next!
I love the idea and theme of your story book. I really love your intro, and that you chose the grandfather to be the narrator of your storybook!
"Race to the Top" was a great first story to start your storybook with! I really enjoyed it! In your story be sure to check over the first sentence in the fourth paragraph because it seems to be missing the word "of". When you write, "One day, deep in the woods [of] Madhu forest" In that same sentence I wonder if "forest" should be capitalized? Is Madhu the name of the forest? If it is the name of the forest, then that maybe something to consider editing in that first sentence. Also, in the fourth paragraph you repeat the phrase "One day". Maybe consider removing this from the first sentence and starting your paragraph: "Deep in the woods of Madhu Forest, there lived a family of trees." That is just an idea for you, so you wouldn't have to repeat the same phrase.
Good job, and I look forward to seeing how your stories turn out!
Hi Evan! I love your creativity in the story tellings in your storybook. The way your wrote your introduction made me feel as if I was one of the grandchildren getting ready to listen to the stories of their grandfather. You incorporated great details and imagery in your introduction as well as your first story.
Your first story in your storybook had me hooked. I liked that you incorporated the plot twist with the Daksha and the King. While I was reading it, I though that Daksha was going to be the tallest tree, but I was surprised to find out it was the King. The first story was well written and detailed, and I look forward to reading the over storytellings.
One suggestion I do have, would be to elaborate on your author's note. While you gave us the back story on what you changed and how you changed it, I feel you should include some details about the story you based yours off of. Which specific story did you use from Mrs. Florence Grisworld's Hindu Fairy Tales Retold for Children?
Hey there Evan! I really liked getting to read your introduction as it did a really good job of getting me interested in getting to read the rest of your works. Your first tale kept me hooked from start to finish, and I really loved the twist of King Rama accidentally doing what he feared most. I do love getting to read about some sweet, sweet irony. I would like to echo the previous comment and say that I think you could do more with the author's note. The rest of your writing is so impressive, perhaps I am just looking for too much in a place that shoulnd't have it, but it's something to keep in mind. I want to wish you good luck with the rest of the semester. I look forward to getting to read more of your writing.
Hey Evan! I really enjoyed your storybook Stories of the Night. The intro and first story have a sort of eerie tone, which matches the photos you chose as headers on your website. You did very well incorporating dialogue – this makes us feel like we’re really part of the conversation. Grandparents are always thought to be so wise, so I loved that you used this as your first story but changed it up a bit. A suggestion would be to include a little more imagery like you already included such as “leaves began to lose their color,” and “growing taller.” These types of sentences stand out because you can really visualize what you’re talking about. It could also be fun to add additional photos on your stories so that the setting is set. You’re off to a great start on this storybook – good luck in the future!
Hi Evan! I just read your story The Great Divide and I really liked it. The introduction portion where the grandfather introducing the story contained a good amount of imagery and the transition was nice. The story itself was very well made and feels very authentic. It's really cool that you were able to explain something as simple as a flowing river with an epic story from ancient times. I thought that naming the Tree King Rama was a reference to Rama from the Ramayana, but it looks like that isn't the case looking at your Author's Note, it was still a neat coincidence though. The only thing I'd change in the story is fixing the typo with 'accepted', which is spelled as 'excepted' in the story. Overall I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories!
Nice to meet your Evan! I just finished reading your second story "The Great Divide". Although I read in your author's note that this story builds off of your first story I feel as though I was still able to have a full understanding of what was happening within the story. I very much enjoyed how you attached the Illiad to your story. The story was an easy yet extremely enticing read throughout. I feel as though there is very little to improve on as your story already has all the necessary components within it. The only thing I would say that could possible improve your story is to perhaps seperate some of the lengthy text block into sub parts. This would allow the reader to better get a grasp on the chronological events happening within the story, but most importantly the large chunks of text look intimidating to a reader.
Hi, Evan! My name is Jessie and I am in the Indian Epics section! I am excited to get to read some stories outside of our class. So, to begin, I love that you begin the story with this dialogue. It puts the readers in the same shoes as your characters, as we are about to read a story as well. This story is written in such a way that it draws the reader in and makes us feel comfortable with the characters, specifically the grandfather. One thing that I think can benefit every story is some imagery. You could create more of a setting in the forest and give more descriptors of the trees! This story has a lot of offer in that way. Anyway, I love your use of language and hopefully I get to read more of your work down the road. Thanks so much for sharing your talents with us! Best of luck the rest of this semester.
Hey Evan! First off, the style of your site is very nice. The header pictures you chose are very beautiful. They really help set the scene for your stories. I also love the idea of your theme. Stories that a grandfather is telling his grand kids is really cute. You can just picture the children hanging onto his every words as he begins the tales. I also really love your writing style. You have a good balance of dialogue and narrating. I think the only thing the stories could use is a bit more imagery. Forests and trees have so much potential for setting the scene. Little things, like describing the foliage in the trees or the type of bark, really add to the story. Help the readers really imagine being there in the tale. Other than that, I love your work! I hope to come back to your stories soon and read more of your work!
Hey Evan! First of all nice layout! I love how you made all the images you used are trees. They blend in very nice and it also fits your stories. Your portfolio was very easy to navigate and nothing was really overwhelming or lacking. I also love how all of your stories flow together very nicely. Grandfather telling the stories to his grandkids like a camp fire style. I love it. Only thing to add it maybe you can make the quotes stand out more? Overall i really loved your portfolio's style and the simpleness of the website. I hope you keep up the good work and i will be looking forward to reading more stories from you in the future!
Hi there, Evan! I am from the Indian Epics class and I was so excited to check out a Mythology and Folklore project! I want to start out by saying your page looks great! It's easy to navigate, full of images, and full of great content! I also really love that you have the same storytelling style throughout your project. It really makes it feel like I am reading a storybook! As for the story, I love how easy to read you made it. You could maybe make it even easier if you break up your paragraphs just a tiny bit more. But, like I said, they are already ease to read due to the amazing story as is. I also think a bit more detail could always be thrown in just give help your reader visualize the story. Overall, this was a great story and I am so glad I got to read it!
Hey there, Evan! How are you! I am Jay and it my first time commenting on Mythology and Folklore project! From that you could tell that I am form the Indian Epics class. I really like your website it clean and easy to read. I especially like your image of nature such as tree, river, and also picture of forest at night. They look really cool just like your story easy to read. I really like your plot of your Introduction, It sounds really interesting Grandpa telling the story of nature of to his grandchildren. I never thought that you could tell a story like that through the view of grandpa. I actually heard the first story that you wrote when I was kid because I am Hindu and Indian. I got to learn lot of Mythology and Folklore tales so it kind of feels nostalgia. And good luck with the project.
Hello Evan! Your storybook is really awesome. I really like the premise to your stories, with the grandpa telling these myths to his children. You do a great job of providing imagery and making the tales simple and easy to read. The pacing of both your stories were really good, and you kept the stories short and simple which I liked. One thing I could suggest is that your paragraphs are really long a lot of the time. Most of these could be split into at least two smaller sentences, which would make the stories even easier to read. Walls of text are a little daunting to approach. Overall, I really liked your stories, and I definitely want to check in as you add your last couple stories. Also, I really liked that your introduction did a lot to set up your story, rather than just summarizing what it would be about.
Hi Evan! When I first started to read your story I was so excited that you were writing a story about nature. I am an Eagle Scout and I love hiking and camping in the woods. It was refreshing to read a story about nature. I also really like the photos you had for your banner images. They were all very interesting and relevant to the story at hand. What if instead of putting the header source at the very start of your story you put it at the end? It is very important that the reader have the source but I think when you put it at the start of the story it pulls them out of your world. Having it at the end is probably the better choice for keeping your readers immersed and interested. Your stories were a breeze to read but you should look into breaking your paragraphs up a bit more if that is possible.
Hi Evan, I loved your project so much that I've come back to read more! Aesthetically, it's so satisfying and you create such a vivid world for both the external and internal stories to take place in. The grandpa is such a great way to bring the reader into the setting before diving into the story. I know I said something to that effect last time, it's just one of my favorite things about your storybook. I also really how you carried over a character in each story, Tree King Rama in the first and second, and Pooja in the second and third. After the second story I was wondering what happened to Pooja, so it was really nice to know, and the beast being a sort of Robin Hood on her behalf was a neat twist. The only thing I noticed that you may want to fix was that in the waterfall story, you mention the villagers not knowing a "young" woman lived in the cave, but a couple sentences later an "aged" Pooja emerges. Overall, fantastic project!
Hey Evan! I think that your site is good, but your could make the base color darker to really make it feel like night. Maybe a navy or a black? Or a dark green to go with the nature scene? I love the photos you are using and I think that otherwise your site is fantastic. I really like your writing, but at certain points it can be a bit of a text block. Perhaps you can make them into separate paragraphs to keep your reader engaged? I think that the way that you interlink the stories to be an ongoing story, rather than a series of stories on the same theme is fantastic. I think that suffering the order of the header info would allow the reader to jump straight into the story, which would be more satisfying. I really enjoy your project and can't wait to read more.
Hi Evan. I really like the idea you are going with! One thing in the introduction was the second sentence uses "you" which confuses the reader as to the point-of-view. It would be clearer if you exchanged that "you" for "they" and "their." Also, in the last sentence of the introduction, there is an "n" missing from the "and," just so you're aware! I hate being so nit-picky, but your introduction is otherwise so great! The usage of the Hindu fairytales is so interesting and I really enjoy your storybook! One thing that could be interesting to add in, only if you wanted, is the children's reactions throughout the story as its told. This might involve a lot more editing though, so do whatever is best for you! Good work!
Hi Evan,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want to say that I am so excited to read your stories when you finish them. I used to hike with my grandfather all summer, and I know that I was exactly like those kids - I always asked every question I thought of about nature and my surroundings in the forest. Your storybook instantly grabbed my attention!
I really like the photo that you used for your introduction. It does a great job illustrating one of the stories that you are going to tell in the future. One thing that pulls my attention in is the idea that your stories are going to be centralized around nature and basically how nature came to be, explaining many aspects through relationships. One question that I have is how are you planning to develop these stories? Are you just creating stories based off of your imagination, answering questions like 'why the trees are so tall?' or are you basing these stories off of science? I think your stories will turn out great either way, I am just curious!
I really look forward to reading them. Great job so far with your introduction!
Hey Evan! I really liked the way your introduction was set up, because it allowed for us to gain some background information about your stories. It also lets us know what to expect in the future stories. The introduction was very well written and had a nice story line and theme to it. I liked the idea that you mentioned in your author's note about how technology consumes our lives and how we should go on nature trips to learn more about our environment sometimes. I think that's a really important point you made and I agree! I love origin stories, so I can't wait to read the rest of your project and find out how exactly you create your own origin stories in this project! I also love the images you chose for your homepage and introduction page! They really set the tone for the rest of the stories!
ReplyDeleteHi, Evan!
ReplyDeleteI think your Storybook has some incredible potential, and I cannot wait to see the outcome. In the meantime, I think there are a few ways you can edit your introduction to make it even more compelling! For example, I wold have liked to have known that the old man grew up in a small town in India before reaching the author's note. You have several opportunities to characterize the grandfather, his relationship with his father, and his relationships with his grandkids. Does the old man have a problem with technology? Is he frustrated with his children for ignoring their children's questions? I hope to see these questions answered in your stories later!
I would also suggest varying your usage and mechanics a bit; the descriptive language you could work into the woods scenes could be unique and powerful!
I look forward to reading more of your work!
Evan,
ReplyDeleteHave you considered writing your Introduction in first-person? You spend a lot of time describing the scene through a third-person eye, but that using more "I" statements will help you to develop the character's experiences because you're providing a first-hand account of the reaction he's having to the surroundings. I personally really enjoy this "stream-of-consciousness" style of writing and think it'll serve you well. With regard to the Author's Note, I would got a little farther to explain where precisely the story will go from here. You mention that you're focusing specifically on the Indian pantheon, so I'd love to hear what stories you plan to include. Indian mythology is incredibly diverse, with all kinds of variations on established themes, so ti might do you well to limit your scope within that broad genre.
Also, one small typo near the end... "a snack ad story break" should probably be "a snack and a story break."
Hi Evan,
ReplyDeleteI am so excited to read your stories. Your introduction did a great job setting up suspense and excitement for the stories. I love your descriptive writing. I was a little confused with the sentence, "you were submersed in your own thoughts for a change," because I was not sure who the "you" was and this is the only time that a second person narrative was introduced throughout the story. I also think it could be cool if you introduced the background of the grandpa in the introduction and not just in the Author's note. You mention his wisdom, but it could be really powerful to provide some information on why he is so wise. Additionally, to help the flow of the story, it might be beneficial to break up the first paragraph of the story. Overall, great job. I really like the idea you have for your story. It's very original.
Hi Evan,
ReplyDeleteI really like the pictures you've used for your storybook so far. The first two really capture the feeling of walking through the forest on a nice day, and the one on your first story provides some good foreshadowing, with the shadowy trees looming overhead hinting at the way the taller trees block out the light for those that are shorter, and the disastrous outcome this had for the king. One thing that I think could make your story stronger is if you had the grandfather mention to the grandkids that he had heard the story from his father. You mention in the authors note that this is a story that had been passed down the family, and it might be cool to mention that in story too so the grandchildren know and the reader realize before the authors note. I look forward to seeing what other natural phenomena the grandfather explains in your story!
Hey Evan! I like the layout of your project. I read a similar project to this one last semester. Their first story must have been based off of the same original story. I like the idea and it is an easy one to go with. I am impressed by your storytelling. It was well written. I do not have much feedback structure wise or with grammar. Overall, I am impressed. I look forward to reading the progression of your project and hope to stay entertained in the future. Thank you for taking the time to make such a great introduction and first story.
ReplyDeleteHi Evan! I really like how you've set up your storybook site! The framework you’ve set up for your storytelling really drew me in and helped me picture myself in the setting, like I was there listening to a story from Grandpa.
ReplyDeleteYour first tale kept me hooked from start to finish, and I really loved the twist of King Rama accidentally doing what he feared most. I did have one question. You have Rama announcing that all the trees need to grow taller, and afterward Daksha is surprised to see that the trees around him had reached his height – did he somehow miss the announcement, or did he just disregard it, thinking no one could reach his height? You may want to elaborate on this somehow.
If you were interested, I think The Race to the Top would be a great story to record audio for! I embedded a SoundCloud link for one of my own stories and can tell you, it’s super easy, plus you can get extra credit for it. Even if you don’t, I’m looking forwards to seeing what you add next!
Hey Evan,
ReplyDeleteI love the idea and theme of your story book. I really love your intro, and that you chose the grandfather to be the narrator of your storybook!
"Race to the Top" was a great first story to start your storybook with! I really enjoyed it!
In your story be sure to check over the first sentence in the fourth paragraph because it seems to be missing the word "of". When you write, "One day, deep in the woods [of] Madhu forest" In that same sentence I wonder if "forest" should be capitalized? Is Madhu the name of the forest? If it is the name of the forest, then that maybe something to consider editing in that first sentence. Also, in the fourth paragraph you repeat the phrase "One day". Maybe consider removing this from the first sentence and starting your paragraph: "Deep in the woods of Madhu Forest, there lived a family of trees." That is just an idea for you, so you wouldn't have to repeat the same phrase.
Good job, and I look forward to seeing how your stories turn out!
Hi Evan!
ReplyDeleteI love your creativity in the story tellings in your storybook. The way your wrote your introduction made me feel as if I was one of the grandchildren getting ready to listen to the stories of their grandfather. You incorporated great details and imagery in your introduction as well as your first story.
Your first story in your storybook had me hooked. I liked that you incorporated the plot twist with the Daksha and the King. While I was reading it, I though that Daksha was going to be the tallest tree, but I was surprised to find out it was the King. The first story was well written and detailed, and I look forward to reading the over storytellings.
One suggestion I do have, would be to elaborate on your author's note. While you gave us the back story on what you changed and how you changed it, I feel you should include some details about the story you based yours off of. Which specific story did you use from Mrs. Florence Grisworld's Hindu Fairy Tales Retold for Children?
Overall, cant wait to read more! Great job!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHey there Evan!
ReplyDeleteI really liked getting to read your introduction as it did a really good job of getting me interested in getting to read the rest of your works. Your first tale kept me hooked from start to finish, and I really loved the twist of King Rama accidentally doing what he feared most. I do love getting to read about some sweet, sweet irony.
I would like to echo the previous comment and say that I think you could do more with the author's note. The rest of your writing is so impressive, perhaps I am just looking for too much in a place that shoulnd't have it, but it's something to keep in mind.
I want to wish you good luck with the rest of the semester. I look forward to getting to read more of your writing.
Hey Evan! I really enjoyed your storybook Stories of the Night. The intro and first story have a sort of eerie tone, which matches the photos you chose as headers on your website. You did very well incorporating dialogue – this makes us feel like we’re really part of the conversation. Grandparents are always thought to be so wise, so I loved that you used this as your first story but changed it up a bit. A suggestion would be to include a little more imagery like you already included such as “leaves began to lose their color,” and “growing taller.” These types of sentences stand out because you can really visualize what you’re talking about. It could also be fun to add additional photos on your stories so that the setting is set. You’re off to a great start on this storybook – good luck in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi Evan! I just read your story The Great Divide and I really liked it. The introduction portion where the grandfather introducing the story contained a good amount of imagery and the transition was nice. The story itself was very well made and feels very authentic. It's really cool that you were able to explain something as simple as a flowing river with an epic story from ancient times. I thought that naming the Tree King Rama was a reference to Rama from the Ramayana, but it looks like that isn't the case looking at your Author's Note, it was still a neat coincidence though. The only thing I'd change in the story is fixing the typo with 'accepted', which is spelled as 'excepted' in the story. Overall I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteNice to meet your Evan!
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your second story "The Great Divide". Although I read in your author's note that this story builds off of your first story I feel as though I was still able to have a full understanding of what was happening within the story. I very much enjoyed how you attached the Illiad to your story. The story was an easy yet extremely enticing read throughout. I feel as though there is very little to improve on as your story already has all the necessary components within it. The only thing I would say that could possible improve your story is to perhaps seperate some of the lengthy text block into sub parts. This would allow the reader to better get a grasp on the chronological events happening within the story, but most importantly the large chunks of text look intimidating to a reader.
Hi, Evan! My name is Jessie and I am in the Indian Epics section! I am excited to get to read some stories outside of our class. So, to begin, I love that you begin the story with this dialogue. It puts the readers in the same shoes as your characters, as we are about to read a story as well. This story is written in such a way that it draws the reader in and makes us feel comfortable with the characters, specifically the grandfather. One thing that I think can benefit every story is some imagery. You could create more of a setting in the forest and give more descriptors of the trees! This story has a lot of offer in that way. Anyway, I love your use of language and hopefully I get to read more of your work down the road. Thanks so much for sharing your talents with us! Best of luck the rest of this semester.
ReplyDeleteHey Evan!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, the style of your site is very nice. The header pictures you chose are very beautiful. They really help set the scene for your stories. I also love the idea of your theme. Stories that a grandfather is telling his grand kids is really cute. You can just picture the children hanging onto his every words as he begins the tales. I also really love your writing style. You have a good balance of dialogue and narrating. I think the only thing the stories could use is a bit more imagery. Forests and trees have so much potential for setting the scene. Little things, like describing the foliage in the trees or the type of bark, really add to the story. Help the readers really imagine being there in the tale. Other than that, I love your work! I hope to come back to your stories soon and read more of your work!
Hey Evan! First of all nice layout! I love how you made all the images you used are trees. They blend in very nice and it also fits your stories. Your portfolio was very easy to navigate and nothing was really overwhelming or lacking. I also love how all of your stories flow together very nicely. Grandfather telling the stories to his grandkids like a camp fire style. I love it. Only thing to add it maybe you can make the quotes stand out more? Overall i really loved your portfolio's style and the simpleness of the website. I hope you keep up the good work and i will be looking forward to reading more stories from you in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi there, Evan!
ReplyDeleteI am from the Indian Epics class and I was so excited to check out a Mythology and Folklore project! I want to start out by saying your page looks great! It's easy to navigate, full of images, and full of great content! I also really love that you have the same storytelling style throughout your project. It really makes it feel like I am reading a storybook!
As for the story, I love how easy to read you made it. You could maybe make it even easier if you break up your paragraphs just a tiny bit more. But, like I said, they are already ease to read due to the amazing story as is. I also think a bit more detail could always be thrown in just give help your reader visualize the story.
Overall, this was a great story and I am so glad I got to read it!
Hey there, Evan! How are you! I am Jay and it my first time commenting on Mythology and Folklore project! From that you could tell that I am form the Indian Epics class. I really like your website it clean and easy to read. I especially like your image of nature such as tree, river, and also picture of forest at night. They look really cool just like your story easy to read. I really like your plot of your Introduction, It sounds really interesting Grandpa telling the story of nature of to his grandchildren. I never thought that you could tell a story like that through the view of grandpa. I actually heard the first story that you wrote when I was kid because I am Hindu and Indian. I got to learn lot of Mythology and Folklore tales so it kind of feels nostalgia. And good luck with the project.
ReplyDeleteHello Evan! Your storybook is really awesome. I really like the premise to your stories, with the grandpa telling these myths to his children. You do a great job of providing imagery and making the tales simple and easy to read. The pacing of both your stories were really good, and you kept the stories short and simple which I liked. One thing I could suggest is that your paragraphs are really long a lot of the time. Most of these could be split into at least two smaller sentences, which would make the stories even easier to read. Walls of text are a little daunting to approach. Overall, I really liked your stories, and I definitely want to check in as you add your last couple stories. Also, I really liked that your introduction did a lot to set up your story, rather than just summarizing what it would be about.
ReplyDeleteHi Evan! When I first started to read your story I was so excited that you were writing a story about nature. I am an Eagle Scout and I love hiking and camping in the woods. It was refreshing to read a story about nature. I also really like the photos you had for your banner images. They were all very interesting and relevant to the story at hand. What if instead of putting the header source at the very start of your story you put it at the end? It is very important that the reader have the source but I think when you put it at the start of the story it pulls them out of your world. Having it at the end is probably the better choice for keeping your readers immersed and interested. Your stories were a breeze to read but you should look into breaking your paragraphs up a bit more if that is possible.
ReplyDeleteHi Evan, I loved your project so much that I've come back to read more! Aesthetically, it's so satisfying and you create such a vivid world for both the external and internal stories to take place in. The grandpa is such a great way to bring the reader into the setting before diving into the story. I know I said something to that effect last time, it's just one of my favorite things about your storybook. I also really how you carried over a character in each story, Tree King Rama in the first and second, and Pooja in the second and third. After the second story I was wondering what happened to Pooja, so it was really nice to know, and the beast being a sort of Robin Hood on her behalf was a neat twist. The only thing I noticed that you may want to fix was that in the waterfall story, you mention the villagers not knowing a "young" woman lived in the cave, but a couple sentences later an "aged" Pooja emerges. Overall, fantastic project!
ReplyDeleteHey Evan! I think that your site is good, but your could make the base color darker to really make it feel like night. Maybe a navy or a black? Or a dark green to go with the nature scene? I love the photos you are using and I think that otherwise your site is fantastic. I really like your writing, but at certain points it can be a bit of a text block. Perhaps you can make them into separate paragraphs to keep your reader engaged? I think that the way that you interlink the stories to be an ongoing story, rather than a series of stories on the same theme is fantastic. I think that suffering the order of the header info would allow the reader to jump straight into the story, which would be more satisfying. I really enjoy your project and can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteHi Evan. I really like the idea you are going with! One thing in the introduction was the second sentence uses "you" which confuses the reader as to the point-of-view. It would be clearer if you exchanged that "you" for "they" and "their." Also, in the last sentence of the introduction, there is an "n" missing from the "and," just so you're aware! I hate being so nit-picky, but your introduction is otherwise so great! The usage of the Hindu fairytales is so interesting and I really enjoy your storybook! One thing that could be interesting to add in, only if you wanted, is the children's reactions throughout the story as its told. This might involve a lot more editing though, so do whatever is best for you! Good work!
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