Week 3 Story: The Battle of Harper
Two cities could not of been more polar opposites than Vestriville and Austriville. The two cities lay on either side of a great river. For years, the people of Vestriville and Austriville have fought over Harper. Harper was the fairest women in all the land and any man that laid sights on her became full of desire. Each city had its king who ruled over his people. Each king's most prized possession was their sons Arthur and Bennett. Both being easily the most skilled fighters in their respective cities. The last time these two warriors fought on the battle field, Arthur was badly injured and his comrades had to carry him from the battle field. Having never felt so humiliated in his life, Arthur began a journey to the mountain side to find the mystical monk. It was rumored that he could grant immortality to those who could find him and solve his riddles. After traveling for seven days through rain and snow, Arthur found a small cave with a light emitting from its depths. Filled with hope, he sprinted into the cave to find an old man meditating. Before Arthur could express his joy, the mysterious man held up his hand as to stop Arthur from approaching. Somewhat confused, Arthur obeyed and as he looked at the ground, he noticed many little spiked balls dispersed on the ground. Understanding the first puzzle, Arthur regrouped his thoughts, swiftly crossed the spiked ground by jumping back and forth between the walls of the narrow opening of the cave. After several increasingly difficult puzzles, the mysterious man told Arthur the secret to immortality.
"Strength, you will feel, while the rays shine down upon you. Defeat, you will find, when all is quiet" said the mystic to Arthur.
Overjoyed with this new information, he returned to his city not contemplating the duality to the secret to immortality. Upon the start of the next battle between the two cities, Arthur proudly sat at the top of the lookout and taunted the enemy warriors until Bennett emerged from behind enemy lines. After their pre-battle exchange, the two warriors began their epic battle. Neither side gave in to the other and the battle went into the night. Half way through the night, a momentary truce was declared to allow both sides to rest and recover. Full of confidence, Arthur assembled a small group of his most trusted warriors and staged a sneak attack on the enemy camp. Forgetting what the mysterious man had told him, Arthur attempted to kill Bennett and his army while they slept. Without the sun shining down on him, Arthur was defeated by a simple soldier guarding the camp. The next morning, Bennett tied Arthur's body to his chariot and road it around the battle field. At the sight of the fallen price, Arthur's army surrendered and Harper was returned to Bennett and his city.
"Strength, you will feel, while the rays shine down upon you. Defeat, you will find, when all is quiet" said the mystic to Arthur.
Overjoyed with this new information, he returned to his city not contemplating the duality to the secret to immortality. Upon the start of the next battle between the two cities, Arthur proudly sat at the top of the lookout and taunted the enemy warriors until Bennett emerged from behind enemy lines. After their pre-battle exchange, the two warriors began their epic battle. Neither side gave in to the other and the battle went into the night. Half way through the night, a momentary truce was declared to allow both sides to rest and recover. Full of confidence, Arthur assembled a small group of his most trusted warriors and staged a sneak attack on the enemy camp. Forgetting what the mysterious man had told him, Arthur attempted to kill Bennett and his army while they slept. Without the sun shining down on him, Arthur was defeated by a simple soldier guarding the camp. The next morning, Bennett tied Arthur's body to his chariot and road it around the battle field. At the sight of the fallen price, Arthur's army surrendered and Harper was returned to Bennett and his city.
Photo of a snowy mountain by Pixabay
Authors Notes:
This story is loosely based on the Iliad and battle of Troy. The idea of two opposing nations was kept, however the aspect of divine intervention was removed and replaced with a mystical man living in the mountains. Other aspects of the original story, such as Achilles having one weakness, was implemented into this story as well.
Source: Homer's Iliad
I like the way you had Arthur's weakness be dependent on the time of day that he attacked rather than a random vulnerability like Achilles heel in the original story. It made his downfall the result of his own poor planning and arrogance rather than bad luck and the interference of the gods, which is a more satisfying ending. The moment you said he wasn't "contemplating the duality to the secret to immortality" I realized he was going to screw himself up, and was intrigued to find out how. One thing you might think about doing to make the story stronger is giving a bit more information about Harper. You mention at the end that she was returned to Bennett and his city, but you never said anything about her being taken from them, or even which city she actually comes from.
ReplyDeleteHi Evan!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story because I am actually unfamiliar with Homer's Iliad so I liked being able to read it. Overall, I thought your story was really good. There are a couple of places where you could have added a little more detail to bring the story even more to life! For example, in the beginning, what if you described both of the cities in a little more detail? I really liked the way that you incorporated the mystical man in the mountains into your story!
Hello Evan! I found the lack of the Gods really interesting, since this is originally a Greek myth. It is different from the story of Helen and Paris, but it was a fun difference. It was cool to see the difference the lack of the Gods' influence had on the story's progression. I liked that you used a wise mystical monk to fill-in the spot of the Gods, using him to give Arthur a weakness as opposed to Achilles' heel suffering from his mother's lack of diligence. It is an awesome story! Good work!
ReplyDeleteWow. This is an incredibly changed version of the Iliad and the Battle of Troy, and I really love that aspect. The core concepts are all present, but you've really transformed this into its own story. The cities, the characters, the weakness and how Arthur learns of it - they're all very uniquely yours. I would have liked to hear more about why the lack of sun was the weakness that led to Arthur's defeat, but the story still flows well and is told well without any explanation for that, especially since there is a precedent for wise men to give unexplained prophecies similar to what Arthur received.
ReplyDeleteEvan, I love how much you changed this story! It was similar enough that I could tell it was inspired by The Iliad, but also so creative and unique! Arthur had a good hero's journey, and I thought it was more compelling for him to have to go somewhere to develop into a better warrior, rather than a god just intervening. I did notice, however, that while you mention Harper being the most beautiful woman, you never really state that the men were fighting over her (I'm assuming they were, given the original story), and I could see this being confusing if someone weren't familiar with the original.
ReplyDeleteHey Evan! I really liked your incorporation of the main themes of the original story, as well as the different aspects (such as the weakness being the time of day and the mysterious man instead of the Greek Gods). I like that the overall theme or moral of the story was kind of centered around the dangers of not being cautious and being too overconfident. At the beginning, you mentioned the opposing sides fighting over Harper. I wonder what happened to her? Did she end up going to either side, or did she just do her own thing? What if you incorporated more of her story into this? Also, what if you told this story in the first person point of view of Arthur or Bennett?? I feel like that would be a cool option if you wanted to try that in the future on a different story! Great job on this, I can't wait to read more of your stories!
ReplyDelete